About Damn Time (part 2 of 2)

“When the voice and the vision on the inside is more profound, and more clear and louder than all opinions on the outside, you've begun to master your life” John De Martini

This is you doing the work again. From part 1 (see last blog if you missed it) you will have been flipping and reframing the inner dialogue. And using a lens of workability to catch out your unworkable patterns and actions. You know how you trick yourself and bully yourself and you’re done with it you want to move towards what is healthier, what matters.
Because we ‘excuse this’, and ‘wish that’, ‘dodge them’ and all of a sudden it’s 20 years later…..

I’m so glad this is in your hot little eyes (to hands) before new years resolution crap starts happening. I know you are busy, but you give a shit about meaningful change so you’ll do it before then.

If you are ready for a willingness and action plan, filled with YOUR committed action read on.

As you go though this, watch out for your brain trying to protect you. It looks like worrying, making rules, reasoning why things are impossible, judging, and fixating on mistakes or missed opportunities of the past. If that pops up remember to just thank your brain.

“Thank you brain, appreciate you are trying to help but I got this”.

Ok here we go.

MY WILLINGESS AND ACTION PLAN

1) My goal is:

Key here is avoid picking an outcome goal: run 5km, an emotional goal: “I want to feel happy”, a “dead person’s goal”: something some one who has passed could do “I want to stop using drugs”, or insight goals: “I need to figure out why I keep doing this”.

Rather aim for a PROCESS GOALS: the process you need to follow to maximise the likelihood of getting more of what matters, what are you DOING that is different. eg: “more supportive relationship with my children”,”more clarity & composure in my thinking”.

a) The values underlying my goal are:

b) What ACTIONS am I taking when I achieve this goal (be specific & detailed):

This is where your value shines - when you think about your value - what are you DOING, SAYING, THINKING that aligns with that value and takes you towards what matters?

2) Open up: what might get in the way of my meaningful actions, that I will need to make room for in order to achieve this goal:

• thoughts/memories

• feelings

• sensations

• urges

3) It would be useful to tell myself that:

Most recommendable here is something with self compassion in it. “I am a human who makes mistakes, I’m here trying my best, and I’m interested in change.”

4) If necessary, I can break this goal down into smaller steps:

The smallest, easiest step I can begin with is:

The time, day, and date when I will take that first step are:

5) How will I know if I’ve gone off the path:

This usually aligns with 1a). This about being your observing self and noticing when you are doing things that are taking you AWAY from your values. Actions, thoughts that don’t point towards what matters to you.

Finally. Be kind to yourself in this. There are two ways to get a donkey to carry your load from point A to point B, treat it poorly and beat it. Or encourage it with a carrot, nurture its qualities and strengths. Which inner donkey do you want? The key is don’t be judgemental or harsh on yourself. It something doesn’t pan out, dust yourself off, learn and go again. Observe yourself with out judgement.

Best Wishes.